Don't Eat the Big White Mint

Are you tired of your boring, run-of-the-mill mint-flavored mints?

I will help you out of that funk, my friend. Come gaze upon this weird assortment of WTF! products I have placed before you. 

Accoutrements, LLC has created a line of interestingly-flavored mint candies designed to pair with meals (or each other), to be eaten alone - and even ward off vampires. (Thank Jebus, those little buttholes are everywhere.) 

Cheesy Nacho is described as a burst of flavor reminiscent of processed cheese and spices. (♫ and these are a few of my favorite things ♪)

Pop a few Ranch flavored mints in your mouth while eating hot wings or toss them on a salad for "an extra boost of crunchy flavor!"

Dill Pickle mints? I'm down.

The Curry variety features

Kali, a Hindu Goddess that represents death, destruction, time and change (just like curry!).

The Onion Ring flavor is claimed to be delicious on its own but is "even better when combined with the Ranch mints."

Vampire-Repelling Garlic Mints might save your mortal soul, but good luck finding anyone that wants to hang out with your stinky ass.

Cotton Candy (finally, a recognizable candy flavor!) mints seem tame when compared to the culinary abortions above. (I kid, I kid.)

But, wait. That's not all! The rest of assortment includes BACON (who doesn't f*cking L♥VE bacon!?), Fruitcake, Coconut, Corn Dog (yeah, that's right), Mochaccino, Cupcake, Absinthe, Fish Flavored Chum (I'm hoping this isn't one of their more popular flavors) and Salt Lick.

For just a few dollas you get about 100 mints in a collectible metal tin. And if you don't think that's awesome, I hate you.

You've been served, Altoids. Eat iiiiit.